Disclaimer: I really don't know these people.
Notes: The end, I'm sorry to say. I hope you all enjoy it, and I would really love to know what you think about it.
I feel cold beneath me. I open one eye at a time, slowly, the bright light piercing them.
First I see spiked leather boots, the long legs covered in tight fitting black denim, a large belt buckle, a silvery singlet, a taut hard face; the protuding blue-black hair. And that's only what I can see with my eyes semi-closed.
If I look closer, I can see the freckles heavily covered in -
“Kris. You gotta get up.”
He frowns. “We're at the show venue. We gotta get off the bus.”
“Oh.” I scrunch my nose, really not wanting to get up.
“I'm going. I'll see you inside.”
It's when I'm sitting inside, having been ostracized to a small corner backstage; with people all around me, prepping for the show; that Ali bounds over to me, all full of perky, pent-up energy, and magic stuff.
“Kris, man. How you holding up?”
She twirls her freshly-dyed hair around her forefinger. “These shows...they're sick. I can't get over them. I'm so pumped!”
I laugh, because her enthusiasm is so adorable. “Yeah. Certainly get you going.”
She nods vigourously, her flaming hair bouncing. “Hey, I ment to ask; did you, you know, keep your promise? You know, from when I left?”
“Oh. Um. Yeah.”
Ali arches an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Well, alright. It's still on you. You don't get out that easily. You promised forever.” The forever is very dramatic, and I frown.
“Yeah, with me it always is. So, yup.”
“Oh.” I nod. “That's good, I guess.”
“Alright. Sweet. I'll leave you to your vast collection of clothing. Don't know how you'll ever choose.” We both stare down at my two pathetic piles of clothes; one containing jeans, the other shirts. Ali cracks up laughing. “See ya, Kris.”
“You too, Ali.”
We've stopped the night.
Adam and I are on opposite ends of the bus. By some weird turn of fate, all of the other guys have decided to be somewhere else; possibly at some nightclub, or some hotel, by the sound of what Anoop told me: “Don't expect us back till tomorrow”; leaving Adam and I to a seemingly inevitable awkwardness, and an empty bus.
But I can still see him. I can see every move he makes. Every little turn of his head, every blink of his eyes, every rise and fall of -
“Could you stop staring at me?” Adam's frowning at me, fierce, strong and completely intimadating.
“Oh, yeah. Sure. Sorry.” I duck my head, concentrating back on my cellphone. I hear him sigh, and for some reason, the colors of my phone are extremely enchanting.
“Tell me something.” I raise my eyes slowly, and Adam is right there, crouched at my feet, staring me dead in the eyes.
“Tell me, do you want me?”
“Sorry – what?”
“Do you want me?” His gaze isn't wavering, and the scaredness that shocks through me is electric. “Do you want me?”
“I...” The answer that is on my tongue, that is echoing around inside my head won't form; and Adam rolls back onto his heels in frustration.
“Why can't you say it? The words aren't poisonous, Kris, They won't kill you.”
“I – I -”
“Goddamit, Kris!” He exhales, the breath heavy. “At least – at least tell me you don't, if that's the way, you know, it is with you”
I bite my lip. “You know how you said about having a crush on me? Well...I really do have a crush on you.” And I know that that was the most pathetic 'confession' ever, but it's all I can say.
“Oh fuck. Fuck. Kris – Kris, a crush is nothing to base a relationship on. They are such simplistic, non-offensive, light things; that don't matter. I have a crush on your wife, for goddamns sake.” Oh. Katy. “I think she's adorable and lovely, but does that mean I want to sex her senseless? No. I do not have a crush on you, Kristopher. I'm in some sort of fucked up version of love. And all I wanna know is if you have the same feeling. That's it. It's all I want from you.”
“But I -”
“Do you know,” His eyes are kind of scaring me, the strength of the blue, the flashing of anger, “How hard it is to watch you everyday, to feel what I feel and know that you go to Katy; to know that you kiss her the way I wish you would kiss me? Hold her the way I wish you would hold me?” His voice has escalated to a near-shout, and I wish I could say it, but the words aren't coming. His chest is heaving, and his hair is covering one eye; but his stare is still fixated with mine. “There's something between us. And you might not want to acknowledge that, but I do. And I – I want you. I don't – I don't expect forever,” He stains the word with complete disdain, “Kris. Maybe I don't even need anything as long as that. But I need you now, and you don't know if that – if I'm for you. And I want – I need you to make that decision. Please Kris.” Adam falls back onto the couch behind him, looking exhausted. He has dark circles beneath his eyes, and his skin is pale. But he's still beautiful. He is still more beautiful than ever.
And I want to say it. And fuck me, I want to. I will myself to say the words, 'cause Adam really does deserve that. I close my eyes, the darkness easier to look at then Adam. “I – I do. I want you. You, Adam.” I blink my eyes open, and Adam's staring at me.
“Really? You do?” His face is still expressionless.
“I – I – yeah. Really.”
“More then anything.”
“What about Katy?”
“Um. Well. We're - we're getting a...a divorce. We've been kinda planning it for some time.”
“Oh. You're - you're okay with that?”
“And so you're – you're what? Ready for something else?”
I sigh, my chest feeling like caving in. “Yeah. I am. I have for a while.”
“Ready for someone else?”
“Someone like...like...me?” His voice is so hesitant; it's a whisper, a murmur. His face has lost all anger, all intenseness; and it's just nervous and lost.
“Someone like you.”
Adam shuts his eyes tight, and as he opens them, a beautiful, sweet, rich smile shapes his lips.
His smile keeps getting more beautiful with every second; dazzling.
Adam's eyes blaze, and he moves over to my couch; curling beside me, but not touching me, keeping a small amount of distance. “When did you...decide? That you, well...” His voice trails off, slightly hooded.
“I'm – I'm not really sure. I guess I sort of really knew when I found you in the bathroom. Back when -”
“But I kind of thought I might, you know...when you fell asleep on me, and when you woke up; you were just so... But yeah. In the bathroom, that's when I really knew.” I turn to look at him, to see his expression, and he's staring right back at me; his smile more gentle, calm.
“You know, I knew, I knew when you were practicing Ain't No Sunshine and you wanted my opinion; and you just sang it, and it was just so amazing...and then you looked up at me, from that ground, and all I could say was -”
“'I like that.'”
“Yeah. That's when I sort of realized, I guess. And then I knew.” His smile turns into a grin, those freckled lips unfurling further. “But I think we should stop talking, and do something else.”
And Adam leans down; cups one hand softly behind my head, the other tracing the hollow under my eyel and he is finally kissing me.
“You know,” I say, “It's quite early.”
“Early-ish. For night.” Adam grins, his eyes sparkling.
The two small couches actually unfold and connect, so we've done just that; and they create this massive, stable bed-like space with which Adam and I are using to lie down on. Adam lifts his head from my stomach, his hand drawing shapes on my bare skin.
“And...people won't be back for a while.”
“I'm aware of that.” He smirks.
“So...?” He bursts out laughing at my expression, and I can literally feel his laughter all through my body. “Is Kris Allen actually suggesting that we should do something?” He feigns shock, and I scrunch my nose.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Something...other than kissing?”
My heart starts to beat faster, just a little, and Adam smirks again. “Well, yeah.”
“Something like...this?” He peppers kisses down my stomach; past my hips, stopping at the edge of my jeans. “Something like this?” He unclasps the single button, slowly; then stops, dotting more kisses above my groin. Oh God. “Something like this?” He moves the zipper down and loosens my pants, just at the top. I can feel myself straining against him, and I'm having to employ some serious breathing techniques. “Something like that, Kris?”
“Yeah,” I breathe, “Yeah.”
“Really? Don't you think, you know, that it might be...?”
“Is it? Do you think?”
“I think it's up to you. I mean, you've never done this before, and well, you might want to wait till we're somewhere other than this bus.”
“Adam, you could probably do anything to me,” I groan, “Anywhere, and it would still be amazing.”
He laughs, vibrating into me. “I just – I don't want to rush you. Because, you know, you might not...well...like it.”
“Adam,” I say, solemnly, “I know I've been a bit weird and all, but I'm serious. I will like anything you do to me. Okay?”
“Alright. But I still think we should take it slow. 'Cause I think right now, I could kiss you forever.”
And he moves his body up mine, warm skin colliding; up to my mouth, and presses his lips to mine; a feeling I can't even describe shocking all through me, spilling out.
“I mean, I totally could. I could just kiss you, and kiss you, and kiss you, and kiss you...” So he touches his lips to mine again; his teeth gently biting my lower lip, grazing it.
I run my hand along the length of his back, feeling the curve, the smoothness, the softness, the heat of his skin. The beat of his heart is imprinting into me; and my own is flying; I'm flying, the world is flying; every single emotion is moving so fast, and Adam is with me, holding tight onto me.
“Is this going to be weird at all?”
“You sure?” Adam looks doubtful, and slightly nervous.
“'Cause I know I'm not what you're – what you are -”
“Adam. Really. You're just – I'm...”
“Alright.” His soft smile dissolves into a devilishly wicked grin; and my insides seize, my toes curl.
Adam kisses my hipbone, then moves his mouth across my thigh, inside, by my groin; the press of his mouth lingering longer against my skin.
And then, before I can really even register it, Adam has enclosed his mouth around me.
I can feel a long moan building deep inside, and the heat of Adam's mouth is so unbelievable, and I'm just -
Adam's tongue is massaging around my flesh, and I'm breathing so hard, I might just pass out. He's moving over me leisurely, and that's making it all the more excruciating. My hands are grasping at bare air, clutching tight; and I taste blood in my mouth.
“Adam.” The brokeness of my voice isn't familiar, and I haven't heard it before.
He continues sucking, the slow warmth of his tongue almost lapping over me; the rhythm blinding me with a pleasure I thought would never be possible.
I can feel myself shaking; falling apart all over, inside, outside, everywhere. And it's only when I'm really about to completely come undone; does Adam pull away, and rise up me, his skin a whisper with touch.
My exhale of breath is quivering, and Adam kisses my throat so softly, and I can feel his smile.
He stretches himself over me, lithe and long; and the feeling of him on me, all of him, is sending me soaring into a place I don't know.
“Are you alright?”
I nod, because words don't seem to be possible, and Adam's smile is tender and lingering. “Yeah?”
I can feel his erection straining into me, and in the space of about five seconds, Adam has rid hinself of his pants and underwear; replacing himself onto me.
And it's different, more intimate; because this really is Adam; his whole naked body, no sheer material seperating us, just out bodies, our rhythm together. And I'm loving that feeling, the feeling of Adam against me, his nakedness, and his undeniable warmth and masculinity. It's beautiful, and just amazing, and it's sending me into spirals of Adam, just Adam.
His hips are restless on mine, gyrating into me, hard; and his erection is hot and stiff against my stomach, and well, I'm curious in the most incredible sensual, sexual way; that I've never been before. I feather kisses down his stomach, down the little trail of fair blond hair, down to a place that I've never been before.
“Adam...can – can I...?”
His eyes, already dark with emotion, almost slightly unrecognizable; cloud over a little. “If you want to.”
“Only if you want.” He pauses, then a smile bursts through like sunlight. “Sorry. I would love if you would, but you know, I don't want to go too fast for you, and we don't have to; we've got -”
His words cut off with a low guttural groan, and his head falls back against the couch, as I softly wrap my mouth around him, and I close my fingers gently around his cock; the taste and feel and everything of Adam just wonderful and shocking and indescribable. Adam's hands rest in my hair, twirling it in his fingers, gentle and careful.
I swirl my tongue around him, curling and searching, swallowing slightly. He feels like velvet, and that feels so different, but in a beautiful, beautiful way. And then Adam is pulling me upwards, and his lips are on mine, wet and frantic, but at the same time soft and slow. His hands are everywhere, and mine are everywhere, and we are everywhere; grasping at warm skin. And maybe this feeling is a little scary, a little intimdating; but I'm understanding it a bit more, and I'm just loving every rapid moment.
Adam's hips are still hard and hot on mine, rolling over me, rolling around me.
And when we both come, Adam a few seconds after me; it's just a moment so full of ecstasy and heat and delight and just pure bliss, it's amazing. It binds us and envelopes us and we're just elated and just us.
His lips break off from mine, slightly gasping for breath, and I'm the same.
“Oh wow. That – that was just – just indescribable. Purely.” Adam's chest is heaving against mine, both rising and falling; the air cool. “You – are you – are you alright?”
“I'm so much more then that.” He smiles, just soft and smooth. His chest and shoulders are flushed, sheened lightly, the warm skin heating my palms; and the expanse of freckled skin is just beautiful, and to touch is just overwhelming.
Adam's breathing begins to slow down; and the moonlight is catching his eyes, his strong piercing gaze on me.
I wrap my arms tight around his waist, and Adam rests his head on my shoulder.
“I never thought this would happen. And I'm so happy, so happy that it has.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
He gives a contented sigh, and it breezes over my chest.
“You're beautiful, you know. So beautiful.”
“Oh.” His voice is a little shaky, “Thanks Kris. You – you have no idea how much that means to me. You know what you are?”
And a smile so big unfolds over my lips, and I'm just so full of love for Adam that it's spilling out of me, threatening to swallow us.
And I'm also scared. I'm terrified, because this is so new, so threatening; but the kiss that Adam presses to my lips tells me everything I'll ever need to know.